Rekindling Relationships

Tips for Rekindling Your Relationship

The questions here for you are guide lines for breaking through a routine that a relationship could have become stuck in, its for you to explore the hows to ignite it up again. Here are some pertinent questions that you could ask while taking your partner on regular outings.

Every 3 weeks is a good interval. Any more frequent and using these tips becomes predictable, any less frequent and you begin to lose the momentum for the re-charge. These are some suggestions how to ask questions that could bring that spark back and get you both to face the necessary changes that will move you forward into more of those closer loving times you once had or would like to re-kindle.

Make sure you do not discuss these questions in between the outings, as she needs to think this all at her own pace. Remember you have been with this relationship for quite some time now, hence she knows you very well, so you can only speak from your heart. The rest needs to develop in its own time, like a flower or cocoon which cannot be forced or the contents will not be ready and the result will be like a cocoon open before its time….messy.

Lets spell it out

Has your life been verging on slow pace, sameness, stuck, boring, incomplete ? these tips work, as long as there’s still some spark left between both of you. To ignite the idea of something special happening or new beginning, but you don’t know how to go about it. Well here’s how. . . . .

By taking your partner out on an outing, you are out of the familiar home environment. During your dinner ‘date’ you want to introduce some steps for re kindling, but you need to proceed at a comfortable pace, so the pace becomes like a mutual discussion of where your relationship can step out of your comfort zone to explore new ground.

So keeping the peace is not what you are attempting here. This is the whole reason why you are going on these outings, its to move the discussion onward, to develop it so you both come up with new ideas and add and subtract until you come up with a plan. A plan that is fluid so you can shape and add to it, much like going on a holiday where it unfolds according to how the how the mood takes you.

So each time you take your partner out you introduce a little something to think about from the previous time. Something like; “what are your thoughts on what we talked about last time” ?

To explore new ground and come up with new conclusions, is the whole reason for keeping the discussion for your outings. This makes it like a new date where things progress slowly and gives you time to find a new beginning in your relationship. If you discuss what you talked about back at home it will only lead back to same conclusions all over again. Here you have to literally brainstorm and then, bring to your next ‘date’ new ideas for your plan. At the same time you want to see how far she will go and how she may accept some changes you may want to introduce, so you can feel more open and not shut down or having to go behind her back to do your own exploring, as a lot of men do.

Preliminary steps for special outing(s)

1st Outing

Introduce this first special outing with, what your wife means to you and how your life is different with her being in your life. Loving connections you have with friends, outings children, etc. You say these things looking into her eyes holding her hand, if you can, or try to. How would that make her feel do you think ? How would it make you feel and how would the sex be that night, after a heart felt connection, such as that ?

2nd Outing

Ask her how does she like the sex, how does she prefer morning or night and with what frequency. Weekly, monthly ? Remember you are trying to discover what her own preferences are not your own. Your relationship has changed, it doesn’t mean you feel the same way about things as you both used to, so you need to discover how it is now and how it changed so you can modify and work around it. So you need to ask her these questions.

3rd Outing

this 3rd outing you have a fair idea how things stand. With each outing its important to begin with reviewing how you went last time. For example, “sex was different last time wasn’t it “? Now that you have some idea, you again start with asking her – And now letting her know that you like it more often, you can now ask her a direct question, which is :- Yes you did say that you liked it (once a month..?) “Does this mean I also should like it once a month as you do ?” So now you can ask her what she may suggest that you do ?

4th Outing

Raise the question re-needing to go to a masseuse for both of you, regularly, so you are not just chatting or discussing it but making a commitment and doing something for both to get your energy moving. Then you could offer taking turns in massaging one another further down the track

An easy way to start is to massage each others feet. This can be done while watching t.v. or reading or relaxing, just 5mins, to get warmed up. Make sure you don’t go the next step all in one evening, because you both want the energy to build up so she really wants it. You could take the next step and massage her legs as a progression next time, but this needs to be done on que so she is saying yes with “her body language” and not the you are doing it while she isn’t ready for the next part. You are not manoeuvring her, you are both working up to it.

5th Outing

Now is the time to get serious and discuss what is the ACTUAL next step if she isn’t interested to take it further that say once a month. This is the time to begin with recommending a holiday away somewhere you haven’t been. Or holiday where a higher level of intimacy is presented to couples as part of a Tantra week, away say in Hawaii is where you can find that sort of intimate enhancement next steps. There are some places where they encourage fantasy and dress up etc. Its important to discover what is best for you both that you both will resonate with.

6th Outing

Between the last and this outing a lot may have changed and you would have moved to new ground with various exciting explorations. However new ground could also mean that your partner may not be interested in further sexual exploration, and may be comfortable only with either non sexual or less than once monthly intimacy. This is the time for you to re introduce that question of; “does this mean I need to be satisfied with the same as you are” ?

It’s time now to ask your partner to offer some suggestions, as to what she thinks you could do in this regard. This is the time for you to openly talk of how in China and Japan massage with hand relief is just part of a male massage and comes together without there being any relationship attached, so she could understand that its part and not separate to a regular massage. If she is unwilling to provide you with sexual intimacy, then you need to make your choices known or you will stay feeling dull and lifeless, and that is not something that improves with age.

In Conclusion

When you read these steps over again you will see the wisdom in taking it slowly so it progresses and unfolds to mutual satisfaction. If you move too fast with too much enthusiasm you will cut the flower before its ready to bloom. A flower can only bloom at its right moment and not before its so you must think your steps out carefully and watch the responses of your partner if you want to get long-term success, rather than AQUICK FIX.